Leaky Guts

Anyhow. I have moved in my transition to actually being ABLE to eat frickin something to going toward VEGAN or VEGETARIAN diets. In Canmore, there is a wonderful whole food market called Nutters. I shop there, preferably during seniors hour, for my staples — Soy free, Gluten free Teriaky Sauce; GF Bread, Rice flour and Coconut flour for baking my GF biscuits — and on and on.
One day I spotted Vegan Konjac noodles. I checked the label — I have learned to read food labels, well ALL PRODUCT LABELS, very, very, very carefully. Nothing pinging on the label. Took it home. Cooked them. Ate them. No reaction.
Then I decide to EXPERIMENT. By the way, one of my #SignatureStrengths is being #Experimental in my #LearningStyle. So, to enhance my Freshii Pangoa bowl — which I take WITHOUT its signature Fiery Barbecue Sauce, cause the sauce has hidden in it a little thing called WHEAT. I added the Konjac Noodles.
Now, remember I had FACT CHECKED the Konjac Noodles to see if Konjac was in the Brascia family of plants. The brascia family is home to plants like cabbage, cauliflower, kale, and broccoli. Oh, and a little known plant called rape seed, also called mustard, which Canadian growers rebranded CANOLA — the wily bastard marketers. 
NO famililal links to see. So I began eating.
Then the NON FATAL misSTEP. I ate the Konjac mixed in the Pangoa AT NOON. ELEVEN hours later the mixture hit my lower intestine. Look up Dietary Transit times (I have). And, the shit didn’t hit the fan. GRAPHIC DETAILS follow so if you are sensitive DO NOT READ FURTHER … DEFINITELY NSFW (Not Suitable For Work) or while eating anything.
When I had recovered from the dietary shit storm — so to speak — I relooked up Konjac on Dr. Google. This time I looked beyond the connection to the Brasica family of plants. I found this article on Shiritaki Noodles at Wikipedia — thank Christ for Wikipedia, when I was a kid I had to browse volumes of Britanica to get the same information. But, again I digress. And, something pinged in the back of my dendritic brain. It was the words Glucomanan and Devil’s Tongue. Where the frig had I read them before. So, I decided to look further at the list of results Google had returned. Voila!
This article on Side Effects of Konjac Root @ LiveStrong — one of my favourite Alternative Medicine websites. AH FUCKING HA! is
Konjac root contains a high degree of FOD-MAPS. To quote LiveStrong again “This vegetable is extremely rich in dietary fiber. While konjac is healthy, its soluble fiber has water-absorbing qualities, which means it can cause gastrointestinal side effects.”
A low FOD-MAP diet is encouraged in folks with “Leaky Guts” — folks who have gluten sensitivity, gluten intolerance, celiac disease, IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and a panoply of others. I started on a modifide version of a Low FODMAP diet years ago.
Modified, why? Because I was FUCKING fed up with GIVING UP FOOD I LOVED. That’s why!
During my first 7 decades of life I had been a BREAD FIEND. Every Friday my mom/step-mom made bread. Every freaking Friday – no less! After the bread had risen she would take clumps of dough in hand, craft them into what she called “heels” — now sold in Canada as #BeaverTails — and, ironically introduced to the unhealthy diet of one Donald The Trumpster. But, again I digress.
By the time The Wife (I call her this to piss her off but that is another story) and I travelled to Cancun in February 2016 I had given up bread, biscuits, muffins, donuts, soya sauce, and everything that I knew contained gluten (wheat).
Copyright Lyle T. Lachmuth, 2020, All Rights Reserved