Musings

Stability Is Not An Option

The first stanza of my 1987 poem, CHANGES, is: Stability Never an option. Possibilities the name of the game.

I am not sure why I have long been, I guess some would say, obsessed with the topic of death. I think it stems from two sources. I used to be a member of, what I now call, the Cult of Jehovah, aka the Jehovah’s Witness religion. JW’s are focused big-time on the End of…

Suicide Is Painless … Except When It Isn't

I still remember the strangeness of listening to the theme from M*A*S*H (the movie) in the darkness of the huge cinema on Calgary’s 16th Avenue. It was the Summer of 1970 and I must have watched it with my ex-wife but I don’t remember her presence. I sat, as if alone, in the dark struck…

A Work In Progress

What do you call a project that is 365 days late and $ 300,000 over budget? A typical systems project. When I was a Systems Analyst — Yes Virginia, I got IT skills — at Imperial Oil Limited (Exxon North) we faithfully followed the Pied Piper of Project Management so we could avoid becoming victims…

Death Pays A Visit

I do not fear death. Yet, death dogs my heels. Of course, since Death is the final outcome of life. I used to believe in eternal life: the notion that I would return after death and forever live on a refurbished planet, watched over by a benevolent God. I am not sure what I believe…

In The Belly of the Whale

An Excerpt from CRASH: In The Belly of the Whale At 3:00 a.m. August 21, 2010 I hit the wall: literally. Crowchild Trail, in Calgary, Alberta, Canada is a major traffic artery. Tens of thousands of commuters use Crowchild to get to and from work during the day. But at 3 in the morning the…

It's Just Pain

I recently met with my new Pain Management Specialist. It was 1 of those “good news, bad news’ sessions. The good news? After reviewing 30 years of my medical history, he discovered that there was “nothing wrong with me physically”. YES, you heard that correctly! YES, I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia Syndrome and Chronic…

Embracing the Sadness

I often wonder what it would be like to not be moody. I’ve tried to remember what life was like before my Manic Depressive Illness kicked in. I remember times, or at least I think I remember times, when I felt joy. For instance when my daughter was born. I remember the sheer terror of…

When the Spirit's Willing But The Flesh Is Weak

In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus asked those of his followers who were with him to “keep on the watch with me”. However, while he was praying they fell asleep. Waking them he said, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” I don’t know about you, but sometimes my ‘flesh’ seems awfully weak….

The Sadness Is With Me

The Sadness Is With Me The Sadness sits with my heart. Alone I feel, So, much alone and, sometimes I want to die, and, sometimes I want to run away, For the Sadness leaches through my soul, Permeating: Soul, body, mind, and marrow, and fills my being with naught but pain. Yet, run I not;…