Happy New Year!
At 1 level it is very hard to believe that we are reaching the end of the 1st decade of the 21st century!
WOW! Where did the Tempus Fugit? (Latin 4 “Time Flees“)
It has been a challenging and rewarding 10 years for me. When this decade began:I didn’t have Fibromyalgia. My coaching business had a different name (“Turning Point Strategies”) and somewhat different client base. And, I was debt free.
Since then the world has changed markedly (Think 9/11!) and so has my life: I’ve suffered from Fibromyalgia for 8 years. I made a good living but often hated what I did to earn the money.
Now: I’ have a 1-year old grandson. I KNOW my true mission but in the course of that journey I’ve acquired a huge debt load. And, I’ve ended my marriage. But, enough whinging.
I’m a bit anal about words … but then so are most of my writer clients, colleagues, and friends! So, before I enumerate my Top 5 List, I want to riff about the word: Learning.
Since 1971, I’ve educated, coached, counselled, and trained thousands of professionals (and others) in my various professional and personal roles (Church Elder, IT professional, Corporate Training Manager, Change Management Consultant, HRD Training Consultant, and Unsticking(TM) Coach.
For me, Learning is only and truly demonstrated by changed behaviour. The problem with our Education system is that we acquire tons of information — much of it useless! And …
I’ve experienced many painful Life Lessons this decade. I could probably write a book about them. WAIT A MINUTE! I am writing a book (watch for the announcement of the release of my newest book, “Beyond The Pain”). So, finally, rant over: Here are my (current) 5 Most Important Lessons Learned This Decade!
- Wellness Is EVERYTHING I’ve spent 14 of the last 24 months in bed, in excruciating pain, yearning to die. I’ve had several visits to the ER due to Kidney stones. And, I’ve had 1 Near Death Experience thanks to a Morphine Overdose. It sure hasn’t been boring! Extreme, Chronic pain Sucketh … but, when I ‘listen’ to it I learn lots. I’ve LEARNED: When you and I are ill, DISeased, and unwell life is hard. But, ill health and pain can be great mentors. It IS true “That which does not kill you, makes you stronger!” I am currently busy writing about all that I have learned from experiencing 3 different chronic ‘illnesses’. My goal is to publish my book “Beyond The Pain”, which will detail these Life Lessons, in February 2010.
- Relationships Are Mirrors I have a handful of real close friends, 2 ex-wives, 2 children, 1 grandson, 1 son-in-law, 2 siblings, and many, many ‘friends’ on the Net. As I ponder the relationships that have brought me joy vs. those that have gifted me with pain I’ve come to realize that my relationships act as mirrors that reflect what’s going on inside me. My friends, real and virtual, by and large bring me pleasure and joy. My family the same, especially my grand baby, brings me immense joy — i.e. when they don’t annoy me 😉 But, my 2 marriages have brought both immense joy and immense pain. Why? I’ve LEARNED: that these closest of all relationships have most mirrored the inner conflict I have experienced all my adult life. I’ve never been what you might call a content person. I’m driven, moody, creative, loving and BiPolar! Trust me, it ain’t easy being me — or, living with me! And, as I’ve struggled with my own identity and moods; I”ve also struggled in my intimate relationships. My dislike of parts of myself, have been mirrored back to me by my lovers. And, my good parts have also been reflected back to me — those parts that Carl Jung called “The Gold in our Shadow”. But, it is the not-so-nice parts that, when reflected back, have hurt the most. And, even though I have flaws it not just my flaws that have destroyed my intimate relationships … I have learned that it ain’t all my fault.
- Money Isn’t Important … But it is NECESSARY! Ever since my first divorce, when I learned (painfully) that all my hours of late work and stress at my job, translated into a pittance of a settlement — money and it’s pursuit has been an extremely low priority. I’ve said, millions of times, that “money isn’t important to me!” And, it hasn’t been. I’ve LEARNED: that damn, it sure comes in handy when y’all want to travel, buy books, or pay the rent. SO, in 2010 I’m changing my mantra. Not sure today what the money mantra will be, but it will be much more balanced approach.
- Sex Is Vital to Health Years ago I developed a 4-factor model of Stress Management. I helped my clients learn to better manage stress by employing strategies that focused on changes in the Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, and Spiritual aspects of their lives; to pursue healing in each and all of these arenas. It has only been in the last 10-years, as I’ve undergone intensive therapy for childhood sexual abuse, that I’ve become convinced that Sexual Healing (Thanks Marvin Gaye) is just as vital a part of our Holistic Wellness. I’ve LEARNED: that Freeing your sexual energy and expression is vital to freeing your creativity! To that end, I am learning Tantra from a Tantric Coach. Watch your Inbox for details of you can buy her CD.
- I’m OK With Quirks In the 80s, Transactional Analysis, or TA as it was called, was the way of explaining human interaction. In fact, even in the corporation I worked in, it was used to help Supervisor better understand and communicate with their peers and employees. One of the most famous books about TA was called I’m Ok, You’re OK! One of the things the author taught was that we all have ‘warts” and he used to say, “I’m OK, You’re OK with Warts!’ Well, I kinda prefer the word Quirks. I’ve LEARNED: I’m OK with my Quirks. I’m OK with You’re Quirks. And, I don’t really care whether or not you’re OK with my Quirks
SO, that’s it! The Big 5!!
What Lessons did You learn?? Please share your big lessons by commenting on this post.
And, Do have a great 2010!!!
