I knocked, knocked, knocked on her door.
But she didn’t answer.
I waited while reading a travel brochure titled What To Do In Digby County. Ten minutes passed. I left. Went next door to the Farmers Market. Bought a bottle of white wine. Annapolis Highland Vineyards Seyval Blanc. Only 15 bucks (10 USD). Came back. She still didn’t answer my knock. Wrote her a note. It said, “I was disappointed you weren’t here. Call me.” I signed the note. Left to get a few potatoes for the homemade soup my wife was making.
Who was she? Certainly not my wife.
My therapist. I will call her Zahara for the sake of her privacy.
This was not the first time she forgot an appointment with me. Just a few weeks ago she had done the same thing.
I could be pissed. Legitimately pissed. But I wasn’t.
Not yesterday. Not a few weeks ago.
Because I understand her. She is soooo like me. It is as if she is my twin. But female. And, better looking.
She is one of those folks I class as “The Artist”. Driven to make her living crafting ideas into outcome. Other in this class make their living as Writers, Illustrators, Designers, and the like.
I have worked with many, many “Artists”. In fact for one of them, who was also my client, I first created my 4-box model of types of buyer. I have since used it to help writers and authors understand themselves and “type” their characters.
Because, even I, have a sense of order I named the types: “The Artist”, “The Architect”, “The Accountant”, “The Actor”. My 4-box model is based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The MBTI(R) measures 4 preferences for dealing with the world.
The first is — How do you prefer to take in information/where do you focus your attention. It consists of 2 polar opposites: Extraversion (focusing attention on the outer world) vs. Introversion (focusing attention on my inner world). I prefer Extraversion whereas Zahara likely prefers Introversion. 3 of my 6 therapists have had a preference for Extraversion and 3 for Introversion.
The second pair is — Sensing (do you focus on the basic information you take in) vs. iNtuition (do you prefer to interpret or add meaning to the information you take in). That is where Zahara and I are alike. We are Intuitives … in point of fact all 6 of my therapists have been Intuitives. And this pairing forms the first delineation on –my 4-box model.
The third pair is — Thinking (do you prefer to decide based on logic and consistency) vs. Feeling (do you prefer to look at people and special circumstances). Again, it is likely Zahara and I have the same preference for viewing people in the context of special circumstances. My first therapist, Kerry, was male psychologist and had a preference (and still does) for Thinking. My fifth therapist, Laura, was female psychologist and was also a Thinking type. My other 4 therapists were Feeling types and Clinical Social Workers (In the US they would likely be Marriage and Family Therapists). But this pairing does not form the basis of my model.
This does. The fourth and final pair — Judging (do you prefer to have things decided) vs. Perceiving (do you prefer to stay open to options and information). Again, Zaharra is likely to share my preference for Perceiving. An important characteristic in a therapist and, in my case, a coach. All but one of my therapists have been Perceiving types. Since Kerry was my first therapist way back in 1982 I have little sense of his “deciding” preference.
So, back to the likely reason for Zahara “forgetting” our appointment. She has/had a lot of shit going on her life. She is moving her office. And, she is dealing with a contractor who has a flexible view of ontime. Mucho stress. I sense that major crap is going on her other professional life. I am a “private practice” client. Her “real” job is in mental health for the province. I know that in the province’s health department is, to say the least, in transition. Transitions are a bitch. They wreak havoc and cause STRESS on those going through them. In particular, those who are innocent participants.
That is why it easy to forgive Zahara.
I been there dahlink. I got the coffee mug. The t-shirt. And, the scars!
NEXT POST — An in depth look at my FOUR KINDS OF WRITER
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