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I am drunk

I AM DRUNK I am drunk with the idea of love. She, Aphrodite, inspires, perspires transcribes the very essences of me. I follow, beg to wallow in the very cunning heart of her. Yet, she deigns to allow me entrance, to entrance her very essence. Her womanhood, her cunning heart, her enchanting aroma that calls,…

Leaky Guts

Anyhow. I have moved in my transition to actually being ABLE to eat frickin something to going toward VEGAN or VEGETARIAN diets. In Canmore, there is a wonderful whole food market called Nutters. I shop there, preferably during seniors hour, for my staples — Soy free, Gluten free Teriaky Sauce; GF Bread, Rice flour and…

Memories

Memories. Memories. They creep up from the basement of my mind. Like monsters in the dark. Rancid. Stinking of puss. Soaked in Sicks Lethbridge Pilsner. They capture. They provoke. Evoke. Bursts of light captivate my attention. I gut sob. Wrenching. Tears cascade. Drown my cheeks. Dripping on my knees. Naked. Afraid. Terrified. “Mommy!” “Mommy!” “Mommy!”…

The Howlers

It is 5:15 a.m. at Melia Panama Canal and the Howler Monkeys have just started their serenade. They howl most days. Especially in the morning. Starting at fiveish or sixish. Often at night. But the Howlers have been mostly silent these last few days. It is Carnival in Panama. And, on Sunday dozens of mostly…

Meaning Too

MEANING TOO Meaning is as Meaning does. It becomes. It grows. It evokes. Like the pain that behind it is. It flourishes in the corners of the mind like a dark flower at midnight, like a wee seed growing, ever growing into possibilities. It becomes germane like a crystal ever forming. One small grain that…

Meaning

MEANING Meaning is as Meaning does. Purpose is as Purpose does. Or, does Meaning direct Purpose, Or, does Purpose direct Meaning or are they enshrined in a Moebius Strip, ever one leading to the other and back again. I know not. I just know that one can not exist without the other. Existence makes purpose,…

The Monster

THE MONSTER She crushes me in her voluminous tentacles squeezing, squeezing, squeezing, the very life out of me. But, wait she is not done. She dallies, teasing me with brief surcease but again she resumes her specialty. To create unending, eternal, horrific, undeniable, pain. Her gift if you can call it that, is to not…

CAR — The Finale

C.A.R. — The Finale I sit up in the bath. I pull back the shower curtain that has been cocooning me in my bath. I twist the drain control and the water quickly starts draining out of the tub. I place my right hand on the bottom of the tub, slightly behind me. I rotate…

The Pain is With Me

The pain is with me. Again. She is my unconstant companion. She goes. She comes. To flirt. Crushing me in her embrace. The kind of embrace that leaves one waiting for surcease. Any way out. The lake calls. Loudly. Softly. He whispers, “Come. Come to me. I can promise you relief from all that pain….

I Flunked Suicide. Now What?

I FLUNKED SUICIDE, NOW WHAT? Waiting in the wings of life I pause, Consider briefly The meaning, and the answers awaiting. Take a step, then two, then three, as I stumble out upon the Stage that is Life. Toward some unknown unknowing, shimmering dream to be made real but only if I follow the Path…